Questions

Lots of things. The three most important:

(i) God has said no one should have sex outside marriage. What did God actually say? “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” A young man is to start his own family by entering into marriage, and only then should he and his wife have sexual intercourse. Read the stories of Shechem and Dinah (Genesis 34) and Amnon and Tamar (2 Samuel 13), young people who had sex without being married. The Bible speaks of their actions as “wrong” and as “something that should not be done.”

(ii) Sex is intended to bond two people together for life. Sexual desire is a very powerful instinct, and within marriage it cements the relationship of the husband and wife. Sex, used in the right way, is a wonderful gift of God. It also bonds two people who have sex with each other outside of marriage (see 1 Corinthians 6:16). Almost always, the more sexual partners one has, the less sex satisfies.

(iii) There can be serious negative consequences, both now and throughout your life. These consequences can be emotional (feelings of having been betrayed, flashbacks later on in marriage, regret); physical (sexually transmitted diseases, unintended pregnancy); economic (poverty for the single mother and for her child); spiritual (separation from God). Look again at the accounts of Shechem and Dinah and of Amnon and Tamar and see how much suffering resulted from their actions. God wants to save us from these unintended consequences. But we should always remember that God can forgive and restore, no matter what we have done. He can make us new creatures, as if we had never sinned. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

Things aren’t always what they seem to be. Consider:

(i) For a majority of girls, and many boys, their first sexual experience was not what they expected and they wish they had waited.

(ii) The break-up rate and the rate of abuse are much greater for co-habiting couples than for married couples.

(iii) Married couples report more satisfaction from sex than do non-married partners.

(iv) Many sexually transmitted diseases show no symptoms for a long time, so people may be infected and not know it yet.

Be honest about why you did and why you now feel it was a bad idea.

With God, it’s NOW that counts. He forgives and forgets, and in his eyes you are a virgin again. “The sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you  were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9,11)

Here are some things to think about:

(i) Although they many make you feel as if you’re the only virgin left on the planet, remember that you’re not. More than half of teens today are still virgins.

(ii) God understands that it won’t be easy to follow his way.

(iii) Even though they give you a hard time, many will secretly envy you for who you are.

“It isn’t okay to ignore God’s instructions, and it isn’t good for either of us. God put boundaries around sex for our own good.” (1 Corinthians 6:12)

Parental involvement is the greatest single deterrent to teenage sexual activity.” (Add Health Study USA 2000)

Against HIV: 57-90%. For other STDs, from no risk reduction (for Chlamydia and Human Papilloma Virus) to 50-75% reduction (for gonorrhea).

Since the emphasis on “safer sex” practices is on using a condom, you should have a clear understanding as to how effective a condom is in preventing disease. First of all, in order to be effective at all, a condom must be worn every time, must have been properly stored, and must be properly used. In such cases of “perfect” use (did you know that this can only be achieved in a lab?), these are the statistics:

• Against the HIV virus, it is between 57% and 90% effective. [Some studies have found 57%, some 90%, and some a percentage in between.) But this is true only for penile-vaginal (i.e. heterosexual) sex. Heterosexually transmitted HIV represents only 0.03% of all annual cases of STDs.
• Against gonorrhea, “perfect” use of a condom prevents transmission of the disease 50-75% of the time, in men only. Most cases are not passed from female to male, and at any rate gonorrhea represents less than 2% of all cases of STDs.
• That means that for 98% of all STDs there is no proof that condoms reduce the risk of transmission. (Scientific Evidence on Condom effectiveness for Sexually Transmitted Disease Prevention,” July 2001)

This helps to explain why three of every four sexually active adults in the United States currently have, or have had, an HPV infection (which can cause infertility and premature deliveries, and which kills far more women than does AIDS) and why every year three million Americans (40% of whom are 15-19-years-olds) contract Chlamydia (a cause of cervical cancer and of persistent, year-after-year abdominal pain).

There is so much in the Bible that explains to us what love should be and can be. Look, for example, at Jesus’ words in John 15:13: “Greater love has no one than this that one lay down his life for his friends.” That can also mean giving one’s life day by day in helping others to be what they can be.

Love is patient (I can wait). 1 Corinthians 13

Love is kind.

Love always protects (I will never ask you to do anything that would hurt you.)

Love always trusts.

Love always hopes.

Love always perseveres.

Love is not self-seeking (does not lust).

Love is not easily angered.

Love nourishes and cherishes.  Ephesians 5:25-33

So-called “Comprehensive Sex Education” may provide information on contraception (methods, how to use, where to obtain) and condoms. They may suggest alternatives to intercourse (mutual masturbation, for example, or oral sex – practices sometimes known as “outercourse”). They almost definitely will suggest abortion if these methods fail. Abstinence is typically mentioned as “the only 100% safe” approach to sex but is usually dealt with very briefly and usually not taken seriously.